we were pretty classy up until the second keg
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
