Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
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HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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