Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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