I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
