We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
