i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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