you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
