You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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