I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
