either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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