I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
