it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
