kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
