i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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