Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
