awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
