so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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