I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
