i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
