this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
