Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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