Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
