I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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