Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
