i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
