You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
