You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
