My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
