ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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