hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
