Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
