Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
