We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
