The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
