She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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