Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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