I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
