These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
