Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
