the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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