wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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