our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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