Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
