I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
