No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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