I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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