I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
