Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
