My girlfriend figured out who you are.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i think im in europe. pls send help
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
