i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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