happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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