If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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