I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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