he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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