She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
