So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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