What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
