this just has baby written all over it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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