Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
