wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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