Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
