well most of my day revolves around power hour
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
