I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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