Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
