I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
