Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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