Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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