this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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