i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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