I love black thongs
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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