Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
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I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
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I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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