thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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