I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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