yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
