She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
