I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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