found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
