i need an iv and a liver transplant
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
