So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
