He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
