I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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