Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
