At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have demons in me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
