She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
